


You're So Lame

by loricameback



Category: Sebastian Stan Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Humor, Seb is a manwhore, Sebastian au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 12:59:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16995444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loricameback/pseuds/loricameback
Summary: Your neighbor Sebastian is annoying but Lord he is hot!  Being the quintessential manwhore,  he has a new woman over every night and yes, you are very aware since you share a bedroom wall.So when Seb needs your help to get rid of a "girlfriend," You have a little bit of fun with it





	You're So Lame

My head fell back on the couch, the book falling to the floor as I moaned in frustration, looking to my living room wall which adjoins to my neighbor’s bedroom. “Why god, WHY??” Sebastian and his flavor of the week were having, what I could only describe as wild animals in heat ripping each other apart fucking their brains out. I walked over to the fridge, getting a bottle of water. “Pffft, like the man has a brain.” I took a drink and walked to the bedroom and changed clothes. There’s no way I’m going to be here for the climax of that monkey sex. I shivered in disgust, got dressed and left. 

 

When I came back, Sebastian’s door opened and a disheveled brunette walked out backwards crooning, “Byeeee Sebbyyy. Will you call me?” 

He appeared at the door only in black Calvin’s and a smirk. “Of course baby.” I scrunched my face and looked away, until the girl, sweaty and musky, ran right into me. 

“Jesus!!" I fumed. "Watch where you’re going wouldya!” My arms flew up on either side, a mixture of anger and disgust directed to both of them. 

She put her hands on her hips and pouted like a spoiled child. “Maybe YOU should watch where you’re going! HMPHH!!” And stomped…yes stomped off like a child. I looked at her incredulously, then at Sebastian who was chuckling in amusement. “Put some clothes on asshole.” Not waiting for an answer, I searched for the keys in my purse and continued on to my apartment. 

“Like what you see darlin?” I sighed, turning with narrowed eyes. 

“Only if you were on fire Sebbyyyy!” I batted my eyelashes and flipped him off before shutting the door. Still hearing his laughter, I threw my purse on the chair, covered my face and screamed. Toeing my shoes off, I groaned as I fell face first on the couch. “Yes asshole, I DO like what I see.” Why? WHY? He’s a fuckin manwhore who sleeps around, can’t remember their names as soon as they leave, and fifty other things that annoy me, but still…“AAAAHHHHH!!!” I punched the pillow over and over. 

Thirty minutes later the doorbell rang. What now? Grunting as I got off the couch and running my fingers through my hair, I shuffled to the door, opening it to look into those gorgeous blue eyes that I hate to love. Leaning on my door and with a dead tone I asked, “What?” 

Sebastian smiled. A sincere, honest smile. God it was beautiful. “Hey listen. I’m sorry ‘bout before. Um…can I come in? Look, I have clothes on.” He ducked his head sheepishly, arms at his sides. Yeah fucker. I noticed the black tank top highlighting you stupid biceps and your sweatpants hanging too low for my comfort. 

Stepping back, I swiped my arm, gesturing for him to come in. “Thanks.” He looked around the apartment, the living room to his right: brown couch, loveseat and tv. The kitchen was straight ahead, small but functional. “Nice place.” He grinned as he looked at me. 

“Did you come here to survey my apartment or just apologize? Because you already did. We’re good. You can go.” 

“What is your problem with me? Did I hurt you in some way?“ He actually looked offended. “Because if I did, I’m sorry.” 

I rolled my eyes. “Sebastian, you did nothing to me. I barely know you.” 

“Well then this makes it a little more awkward to ask.” He twist his lips and rubbed the back of his neck. Oh god what is going on? He followed me to the kitchen and sat at the table. I grabbed two waters out of the fridge, and placed one in front of him before I sat down. “Thank you.” 

He seemed to be very nervous as he opened the bottle and drank half of the water. When he put it down he bit his lip, sighed, then, “I have a date tomorrow.” My chair screeched on the floor as I scooted back and tried to get up. “SERIOU…” He grabbed my wrist to hold me. “Wait.” I looked at my wrist then glared at him. Sebastian pulled his hand back as if it were on fire. “Sorry, sorry. Just wait, ok.” My nostrils were flared, but I gave him a chance to talk. 

“This girl and I went out last week and she won’t leave me alone. She calls, she comes to my place of business, and I don’t want to see her again." ‘Cause one time is the limit, right?’ I thought. He looked down at water bottle, so insecure. This was something I never saw from him. 

“I need you to pretend that you’re my wife.” He half smiled, his eyes pleading with me to say yes. All I could do was stare with my mouth open. 

Then I laughed. And couldn’t stop laughing. I tried, but when I stopped, my lips pursed into a smile and I burst out laughing again. Pretend to be his WIFE? ME?? Sebastian furrowed his brows and got up to leave. “Wait.” I huffed. “Wa-hait.” I tripped over my own feet and fell forward onto him. Well that shut me up. My Lord I knew his body was ripped, but damn it felt good! I pushed myself off of him, smoothing down his shirt, maybe one or four too many times before clearing my throat. 

Sebastian walked to the door. In anger he said, “You know, it was hard enough to ask you in the first place, but to have you LAUGH at me?!” He bit his lip before continuing. “Fuck you!” Before he could turn the doorknob I grabbed his belthoop. 

“OK stop. I’m sorry Sebastian. I only laughed because I can’t imagine YOU being married.” Being this close to him, I could smell his cologne. Holy hell. He actually had the decency to wash off skank cooties before he came over! Putting my hands on his waist (with an internal whimper) I spun him around and his back was against the door. He was actually pouting! But the difference between him and skank cooties was it was frickin adorable on him! Blinking slowly, I looked up at the ceiling and looked back at him, unsuccessfully hiding a smile. “When should I be there husband?” 

 

The night of the date I hate to admit that I was jealous. Sure, he wanted rid of the girl, but there’s more where she came from. And with that body and that face…they’re probably falling at his feet. 

When the key rattled in the lock, I sat up off the couch with a start, ran to the kitchen, and when the door opened, I picked up an imaginary piece of lint on the floor, making sure my ass was in full view of his date…and yeah him too. “Who is this Sebby??!!” 

I bit back a smile and stood up, spinning around. Surveying both of them, the tiny blonde with big boobs angrier than a wet cat and Sebastian behind her smiling approvingly. Well I was wearing my white low cut t shirt and short shorts. I grit my teeth as I glared at them. “YES SEBBY! WHO IS THIS?” I approached the girl with a smug smile and hand out. “Come on in dear. I’m Sebastian’s wife.” Looking at the horror on his face and “shame” on his, I continued, “Oh, he didn’t tell you he was married.” 

I grabbed Sebastian by the neck, pulled him in the apartment, and punched him hard in the face. Being that that was not part of the plan…well, HIS plan, he was truly in shock. He covered his right eye. “FUUUUUCK!!!” I rubbed my fist as I looked at her, wide-eyed and scared shitless. Walking up to her, fist up, I growled, “Unless you want one too, get out and LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE!!” Making sure she was gone, I slammed the door. 

Turning back to Sebastian, still holding his eye, looking at me as if I’d gone crazy, I yelled, “STOP BEING A MANWHORE!! I SHOULD’VE KICKED YOU IN THE NUTS OR MAYBE CUT OFF YOUR DICK!” Taking a few deep breaths and to calm down I noticed that he took his hand down and had the start of a nice shiner. He was also smiling at me. “You are so lame.” 

Sebastian shook his head humorously and laughed. “How long have you wanted to do that?” 

I closed my eyes and just gave in. I took his chin in my hand and kissed him. “Much too long.”


End file.
